Inside and Out Read online

  “You don’t have it in you,” he sneered.

  The lump in her throat came back viciously. “I don’t understand why you hate me so much. I’m not the one who slept with someone else here.” She hated how her voice wobbled, but she swallowed and sat up straight, swiping at her tears. This wasn’t about her; it was about their children.

  “Cora, I don’t hate you. I just don’t love you.”

  She’d known that, of course. But it still hurt to hear him say it… again.

  “This isn’t about our relationship, Sam. I don’t care what you do with your next tramp, but Jolie needs you. I don’t like it anymore than you do, but—“

  “She’ll hate you if you cut me off.”

  “Then so be it. She can hate all she wants. I love her and I will protect her.”

  “No, you’re just projecting your feelings from your own childhood onto her. Jolie is smarter than you. She knows adults have things they have to do.”

  “You’re right, she does. She also knows a jerk when she sees one. And I can’t say I’m gonna change her mind when she figures it all out. Final chance, Sam. Are you coming or not?”

  He sighed on the other end of the line. “No. I have things to do.”

  Taking a steadying breath, she pushed past the choking lump in her throat. “I’ll let them know.”

  With shaking hands, Cora ended the call. The framed photograph of the kids on the wall waved and smeared as a sob erupted from her throat. She didn’t want to go out there and crush her children. Sliding down the bed, Cora let the tears flow for all she had lost, all her kids were without because of one selfish decision.

  She’d been so strong for them for so long, but in the span of a three-minute phone call, she’d somehow shattered in two.

  Cora wasn’t sure how long she sat there crying quietly, minutes, maybe an hour. She was so lost in her turmoil that she startled when Liam’s arms came around her. She tried her best to wipe away her tears and smudged mascara without him seeing her face. She glanced at the bedroom door to make sure he’d closed it. Her kids couldn’t see her in such a mess. Liam sat down next to her, their backs on the end of her bed.

  He didn’t say anything when she finally gave up the fight with her tears, but instead pulled her into his lap and held her. His fingers brushed through her hair and his lips kissed her hair softly.

  “I can’t tell them he’s not coming,” she said between sniffs. Cora pushed her damp hair away from her face and looked at the ceiling.

  “Then don’t,” Liam said simply.

  She gave a cynical laugh. “It’s not that easy. They’re expecting him.”

  “By the looks of things out there, they already know he’s not coming.”

  “I’m just…” Tears welled again. “I’m just broken. For my kids, for me…”

  “Hey,” he whispered, hooking his finger under her chin and turning her face gently toward his, “everything is going to be okay.”

  Her sobs began again but she didn’t care. It seemed like Liam was always holding her up when she was falling apart.

  When she finally quieted, he asked her, “You wanna know what’s great about being broken?”

  Cora frowned. “How can anything be good about that?”

  “The great thing about being broken, Cora, is that when you’re put back together, you’re stronger than you were before.”

  Liam’s green eyes watched her solemnly. He truly believed what he said. Right now, she was pretty sure nothing could put her back together again.

  “It’ll take time,” he continued, “But you can do it. You will do it. For the twins, for Jolie, for yourself.” His fingers entwined in hers, and he squeezed. Their gazes locked and he offered her a sympathetic smile. “And I’m right here when you need me.

  Cora studied her short fingers compared to his long ones. Piano player fingers. Her porcelain skin next to his bronze. His warm skin against her cold.

  “I don’t think I can be who you want me to be,” Cora whispered.

  Liam shook his head. “I don’t want you to be anyone but yourself. And I know you’re not sure who that is anymore. I won’t push you, but I won’t give up, either.”

  Cora studied him for a moment before smiling. “When did you get so smart? I didn’t get smart until I was at least thirty.”

  Liam’s chuckle was cynical. “Here we go again. Age, age, age. Can you see me as an equal for just one second?”

  She had meant it as a joke, but seeing his furrowed brows and hearing his sigh told her he hadn’t seen it that way. “I didn’t…”

  “Yes, you did, Cora. You try to build a wedge between us when there doesn’t have to be. I just wanna be here for you. Can I do that for you?”

  Lowering her head, Cora nodded. “I’m sorry.”

  He hooked his finger under her chin again. “I don’t want an apology, okay?”

  She nodded again. After another moment, she pushed to her feet and smoothed her shirt. She walked over to her dresser, swiped her cheeks and cleared the black mascara smudges. She looked like she’d been in a bar fight, but it wouldn’t be the first time the kids had seen her like this in the last year.

  Turning, Cora almost ran into Liam. His hands steadied her shoulders, and he looked down at her. He pulled her into his arms and held her tight for a long moment. When he pulled back, his eyes searched hers, shrinking the space between them to mere centimeters. He kissed her forehead in a sweet, lingering kiss. Cora’s heart lifted a tiny bit.

  “You’re not alone,” he finally said.

  With a soft squeeze, Cora turned and led the way out of the bedroom. The kids looked up expectantly as they exited. Cora’s mouth went dry.

  “Kids,” she began, scratching the back of her neck. “I –“

  “We’re going bowling!” Liam announced.

  The twins stood up and cheered, the noise deafening. Jolie didn’t move, but her gaze locked with Cora’s. She knew. Cora tried to smile, but before she could give her half-hearted attempt, Liam grabbed Jolie and started dancing with her around the kitchen, humming a tune to a song she’d heard on the radio. It was an upbeat song, some pop tune only Jolie would know.

  His voice was surprisingly on key. She’d never known Liam could carry a tune. Then again, they hadn’t had much carefree time together in the year they’d gotten to know each other.

  It took a moment for Jolie to let go of her father’s betrayal, but she finally laughed when Liam dipped her dramatically. When he raised her back up, he immediately spun her and caught her.

  Jolie went along with his game, giggling, and the tenseness was finally over when her body relaxed. Each of them gathered their belongings and jumped in Liam’s truck. She gave his hand a grateful squeeze when he buckled his seatbelt, but all he did was wink.

  Cora was devastated for Jolie. Right now might be a good distraction, but eventually they would need to talk so Cora could explain things to her more.

  At the bowling ally, Ashton and Aldin told her they were going to granny-bowl to make Liam laugh. Once he was in place, Ashton’s behind went straight up in the air. After a short wiggle, he then rolled the ball so hard he lost his balance and fell head first into the floor. Aldin’s turn wasn’t much better. He was so determined to get the ball to go straight he rolled it backward.

  Liam chuckled but rushed to grab the ball and help Aldin. Her son listened carefully as he explained the logistics of granny bowling and then demonstrated without actually rolling the ball. Aldin giggled when Liam straightened.

  Since Liam had been a part of their extended family for several years now, they were comfortable with him and enjoyed goofing off. In fact, Cora could have sworn they were more comfortable with a distant relative than they ever had been with their father.

  Ashton and Aldin both seemed relaxed and high-fives were plentiful. Liam joked with them, ruffled their hair and the twins fought back. Liam dealt with them patiently and was always soft-spoken. When Cora told them to calm down, he winked. />
  “They’re having fun,” he said.

  She’d never understand why a man his age would want to be saddled with kids who didn’t belong to him. But pride soared through her. Maybe she’d been with a frog long enough that she’d finally found her prince.

  Liam roughhoused with Aldin while Jolie bowled. While she didn’t seem sad, she did appear to not have her usual energy. Cora watched as she bowled a strike and then came to sit next to Cora. She gave Liam a half-hearted high five and plopped next to her.

  Some time passed before Cora heard her speak. “What was his excuse this time?” she asked quietly.

  “Honey, we’ll talk about it later, okay? Let’s just enjoy our time with Liam.”

  “Can you just answer me? Whatever the truth is can’t be any worse than what I’ve already imagined.”

  With a sigh, Cora told her the truth. “He said he needed to work and had plans. I tried to—“

  “Don’t worry, Mom. I know you try. This has nothing to do with you.”

  Jolie watched Liam bowl and silence stretched between them again. They all cheered when he bowled a spare. “Mom, I see the way he looks at you. Are you going to date him?”

  Cora’s heart skidded to a grinding halt. What a lovely thought. Dating. Only on the heels of that thought came defeat’s bitter taste. She was in no position to date anyone, least of all a man ten years her junior.

  “He’s just a good friend.”

  “I think he likes you, though,” Jolie insisted.

  Cora chuckled. Even now, despite her father’s absence, she found a bright side. “He might. But I’m not ready to date. I loved your daddy for a long time and my heart has to heal.”

  True to her nature, Jolie kept quiet, but her intense gaze took everything in and missed nothing. Cora smoothed her hair and kissed her forehead.

  “You’re beautiful. Inside and out,” she whispered. Instead of the usual rolling eyes, Jolie didn’t do anything. A small victory.

  When Cora stood, Jolie looked up at her, the expression on her face intense and serious. Her words were no less so. “So are you,” she said. Not a twinge of a smirk; no fidgeting like she was uncomfortable.

  Cora mouth gaped, stunned. When had her first-born become so mature? Jolie had never said something like that to her. “Thank you, honey.”

  This time, she rolled her eyes. “Go bowl. While you’re doing that, I’m going to talk Liam into ice cream.”

  Normally, Cora would make her mind her manners, but tonight was a special night. Rules didn’t apply. As she walked past Liam on her way to sit down, he grabbed her and pulled her into his lap. He ran his hand up and down her back.

  “We shouldn’t sit like this,” she protested. “The kids…”

  “Won’t think anything of it.”

  “You’re wrong. Jolie already thinks you like me.”

  “Jolie is right.”

  Cora glared at him. “I told her I wasn’t ready. And I’m not.”

  “I know, Cora. But it’s not wrong for us to be friends.”

  “Friends don’t sit in each other’s lap.”

  Liam gave her a devilish grin.

  “Or look at each other like that.” She snickered despite herself.

  “I don’t expect anything. I just enjoy being with you.”

  Cora slid from his lap and shrugged off his touch. “Liam…”

  “Okay, fine.” He reclined back in his seat and crossed his arms.

  She couldn’t resist. Reaching out, she pinched his cheeks. “Are you going to pout now?” she asked in a high-pitched baby voice.

  He shot her a look of contempt just before lunging at her. Grabbing her ribs, his fingers dug in and she squealed. She tried to back up, but he cornered her against the ball rack and continued. Despite the tickling, the entire length of Liam’s body pressed against hers, and the body heat they shared sunk down to her core and settled there.

  “Get her!” Ashton and Aldin yelled. With a few quick maneuvers, she was in a seat with her family surrounding her, tickling her. As more fingers joined in tickling her, her laughter increased until she snorted.

  At that point, everyone else doubled over, Liam included, and eased away from her.

  When their laughter eased and they resumed their game, Cora watched her children, smiling, laughing and playing. Liam sat with his arm around her, his dangling fingers drawing circles on her arm.

  If Cora let the emotion in for just a second, they almost felt like a real family.

  Chapter Four

  The sugar rush from the ice cream finally hit Ashton and Aldin on the way home. One glance back at them confirmed they were both asleep. Jolie sat in the back seat chewing on a nail and watching the scenery go by. It was almost midnight.

  Liam had saved the day. He’d offered them an alternative to staying home and wondering why Sam didn’t care, and then wore them out so they didn’t care. Some part inside of her screamed to let him in a little more, but the other part screamed for space and common sense. A handsome guy like him didn’t fall for a woman with all the baggage she possessed. They had nothing in common. They didn’t listen to the same music, didn’t reference the same movies, and couldn’t connect on the same level of life experiences.

  The dash lights illuminated their faces blue, and Cora risked a glance. He was a beautiful specimen with brown hair, green eyes that turned down slightly at the outer corners and a chiseled jawline. His arms strained through his t-shirt and her fingers itched to run along the hills and valleys.

  Without looking at her, Liam shifted in the driver’s seat and put his hand casually on her thigh. She grinned. His touch elicited thoughts best left out of their relationship. But at this point, she wasn’t sure what was best anymore. All she knew was Liam made her feel alive and every inch of her wanted to see what could happen between them. But the consequences were so high if things didn’t work out. She wasn’t sure if her kids could handle another man coming in and then walking out of their life again.

  Who was she kidding? The kids would rebound. She might not.

  As they pulled into her driveway, Cora moved her leg so he wasn’t touching her anymore.

  Liam put the car in park and turned off the engine. Her heart did a flip in her chest, but she ignored it.

  “Boys,” she started, but his hand closed over hers.

  “Let me help you in with them.”

  “They’re too big to carry.”

  He flexed the muscles she’d just been admiring and pointed to them. “I think you underestimate me.”

  With a quick shake of her head, she exited the truck and watched Liam unbuckle Ashton. His blond hair was mussed and in his face, but he showed no signs of stirring, even as Liam lifted him and walked to the door.

  Jolie quietly got out of the car. After unlocking the front door for Liam, she stood next to Cora in the hallway while they waited for Liam to return.

  “I’m okay with it when you’re ready to date again,” she said quietly. “Don’t think I’ll be upset. I want you to be happy.”

  Cora took Jolie’s hand and squeezed. “Honey, there is nothing you have to worry about, especially concerning me and boys. I promise. My focus is on you.”

  “I know,” she was quick to add. “I just don’t want you to pass up a good thing if something comes along.”

  “You like Liam that much?”

  “I like how he makes you happy. You haven’t smiled since Daddy left.”

  “That’s not true!”

  Liam passed them both with a wink and came back carrying Aldin.

  Jolie followed his movements and waited until he was upstairs to continue. “Not a real one. Liam makes you happy.”

  “You’re too young to worry about me, sweetheart.”

  “But I’m not too young to know you want to try, but you’re holding back.”

  “He’s too young,” she said without thinking.

  Jolie didn’t say anything for a minute. Liam had disappeared upstairs with Aldin. Cora
finally closed the front door with a soft click.

  “Go get ready for bed.”

  “I know we’ll talk more about Daddy not coming, but for now, I just want you to promise me you’ll try to be happy again. What Daddy did is hard to forget, but that doesn’t mean every guy is like that.”

  Stunned, Cora tilted her head to the side and really looked at her little girl for the first time. Her long brown hair had been pulled to the side in a braid. Tendrils of soft curls framed her face. A face no longer chubby with baby fat, but thinning into a young woman’s face. Cora felt a lump form in her throat.

  She walked over to Jolie and ran the back of her fingers over her cheeks. “So wise beyond your years. Stop growing up so fast.”

  “I’m not,” she said with a grin.

  Cora took a minute to smooth her hair and give her a hug. “I promise you, Jolie, when the time is right, I will be happy again and date. I don’t know when that will be, but I guarantee you I’ll try.”

  Seemingly satisfied, Jolie kissed Cora on the cheek. “You’re beautiful, Mom. Inside and out, no matter what you think.”

  Jolie’s whispered words caused the lump to burst. Tears blurred Cora’s vision as Jolie walked up the stairs. She and Liam said their goodnights as they passed on the stairwell.

  Cora took that moment to turn away and desperately tried to wipe away her tearful evidence before Liam could see. She seemed to be doing a lot of that lately.

  “Hey,” he said behind her. He grabbed her arm, but she resisted. “You okay?

  “Yes. Jolie is just growing up, and it makes me sad.”

  For a moment, frustration shone in Liam’s eyes. “When will you let me hold you?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean you’re strong for everyone else. Who’s strong for you?”

  “I don’t need anyone. I’ve learned that lesson the hard way.” Bitterness lined her words. She hated how jaded she sounded.

  “Everyone needs someone. Especially the people who think they don’t.” He took a step toward her, but Cora turned and walked to the front door.